Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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