I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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