I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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