alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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