I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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