these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my poor anus
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
