i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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