hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The Olympian is in my bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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