ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
