I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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