the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
