I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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