i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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