It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
