im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
