Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
