I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize