So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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