I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
