This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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