i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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