i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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