A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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