Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
