Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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