my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
