you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
