2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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