everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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