I need help removing her.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
