Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
