My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
