I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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