CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
