dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
