There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
