you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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