Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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