please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
