UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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