sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
