I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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