your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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