So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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