i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
