She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
