matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
