Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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