It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
