I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
