I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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