I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize