Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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