fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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