READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
