Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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