Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
