Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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