smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
