so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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