i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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