To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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