Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
