I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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