She is in my trunk
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
