I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
