My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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