guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
