I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We smell like vodka and hangover
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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