what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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