i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
