i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
