I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
