if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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