We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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