Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
