if i can run in heels then i can drive
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
