my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
